And then, there YOU are …right here in the midst of all of this mess. There you are, quietly, consistently, beautifully, lovingly present.
The past weeks have felt heavy. Lacking. Inner lacking has been my diagnosis. I have had a weary soul. I have felt vision-limping. Limping behind my husband, my Jesus, my kids, even my own heart. I have felt frustrated and confused, tired and un-inspired. Wondering as I look around where I came from and why. How did I arrive here in this new, strange country? How were we led hear, when I’ve heard nothing? How do we stand on new ground yet again? How am I settled but so unsettled in soul? How does my husband SEE and HEAR so much hear and I stand numb behind him?
The only truth to stand on, to re-build on is JESUS. HE alone is my ROCK and my Foundation…upon that I build again. Here on this earth, these homes, these dwellings, these paths are so temporary. The switchbacks are seemingly endless, the climb intense. But HERE HE IS …Here in this place, we build another temporary dwelling, to put our hands to the Eternal. He is HERE, so we can trust the lasting. We can long for and find beauty. We can find redemptive places and stay there—savoring this undeserved grace. We can get up again, begging to see Him, to behold him wherever He has re-planted our lives.
I am a pilgrim. A nomad. Moving. Living. Loving. Moving. Living. Loving.
Re-building. Re-planting. Re-orienting. But always, always Redeemed and receiving and re-made and motivated by His love and constancy.
This morning I woke to the pounding of these heavy Ugandan rains on my rooftop. I didn’t want to face the day. So I stayed still with the Word…begging for His heart to override my flesh today. The rest with Him was sweet and inspiring for the rising and living and teaching and serving and all that came in my day. I felt His spirit pull the reins a few times inside of myself as I veered off the path of peace He had graced me with today. I saw and was awed by God. In my sweet three year old…in the incredible intricacies of my son’s chameleon, in friendships that were placed here for me, in watching my children play and love these beautiful children right down the street who go home to live in shacks, and mine go home to comfort. I was broken by Dave watching a child die today, by a woman’s story of brokenness, another woman’s story of mercy….
But He whispers in it all. I AM. And He is. All of this will be redeemed. All the coming together of beauty and ashes, loss and gain, grieving and dancing. So we fix our eyes and see Him here, and again He is enough, and again He pours in, and I behold His glory, HERE and now. Thank you, Father.
I behold your glory. And I am awed.