Mom went Home night before last. A mixture of sweet blessing with deep pain and a loss I feared more than I knew. Yet this morning while teaching the kids He opened my eyes to what that fear actually was, and then He took it away.
I don’t know how or why but the morning of mom’s graduation to Heaven I switched from studying Esther and found myself in Matthew 14:22-29. I have always loved this passage. Lessons for the heart abound in these verses:
Jesus purposefully sending them into a storm
Our Savior alone, on a mountain top, praying the His disciples during the storm
Christ walking on water…showing dominion over the instrument of their turmoil.
The fact the disciples thought Christ to be a ghost, because their eyes were not yet trained to look for Him in the moments of need.
Peter having the courage to fail
Christ meeting the individual first, and then expanding the blessing to the group
The instrument of refinement being removed the very instant the lesson was complete
However, something struck me this time when I read…
So Peter got out of the boat and walked on the water and came to Jesus. 30 But when he saw the wind, he was afraid, and beginning to sink he cried out, “Lord, save me.”…
He saw the wind, but wait a second, you can’t see the wind. I assumed I was missing something in the Greek but after searching references found out that “wind” means wind (not wind and waves) and that “saw” is straightforward as well. No Master of Divinity required to understand these words or their meaning. The scriptures simply say Peter looked and saw something you can’t see, feared, and that fear took his eyes of Christ.
This morning, teaching the kids through tears, I saw I too have feared something I couldn’t see for the past 7 month…this world without my mom. Yet this is where the victory lies, where the scriptures can authoritatively claim “Oh death, where is your sting”, and not have it be some pie in the sky, fake, self-hugging, impotent promise. It’s true, death has lost its sting…it hurts, but it is a pain with purpose.
He brought this storm.
He prayed us on through it.
He adores my Mom.
He has dominion over my heart and its pain.
He is giving me eyes to see Him in every broken moment.
He has and will meet and me in my failures.
He has welcomed Mom Home.
He loves my bride, kids and me enough to tear our hearts.
He is better…I need not fear what I cannot see.
I miss my Mom, but I adore my Savior.