Today I learned about being positioned in Christ…we’ve been studying this in Ephesians… “IN Christ…” What abundance and life in a position! This post is real and a bit raw, but I know I need to put it out there in faith today.
Here’s what God spoke to me this morning through Oswald Chamber’s writing…
“Certainty is the mark of the commonsense life:
gracious uncertainty is the mark of the spiritual life. To be certain of God means that we are uncertain in all our ways, we do not know what a day may bring forth.
This is generally said with a sigh of sadness; it should be rather an expression of breathless expectation. We are uncertain of the next step,
but we are certain of God.
Immediately we abandon to God, and do the duty that lies nearest, He packs our life with surprises all the time. When we become advocates of a creed, something dies; we do not believe God, we only believe our belief about Him. Jesus said “Except ye … become as little children.” Spiritual life is the life of a child. We are not uncertain of God, but uncertain of what He is going to do next. If we are only certain in our beliefs, we get dignified and severe and have the ban of finality about our views;
but when we are rightly related to God, life is full of spontaneous,
joyful uncertainty and expectancy.[1]”
I sat this morning quiet and still, feeling so weak and exhausted, but internally so filled and encouraged by these words. The uncertainty of my days has marked so many months. I read this and heard Jesus affirm, that this is exactly what He wants of my life. Not to live by routine and schedule and order—which I often crave and find security in, but rather a life that is lived day by day. So, today, I prayed again for this—to be positioned and ready for His will.
I actually was feeling awful—I even teased Dave about taking the ‘day off’ to stay home with me. I wasn’t sure how I would even get breakfast on the table or begin our day of schooling. I was mustering all I had to make some oatmeal and direct the morning routine, when Dave ran in the door.
“Jewels, will you come hold a baby who’s freezing?…He’ll die if you don’t.” I really had to ask him to repeat what he said and expand a bit. “A baby was found, he was just brought in…I’ve never felt a baby this cold…he needs to go skin to skin and no one will do it.”
Of course. My heart was in. My flesh was not. A million thoughts and emotions raced through my mind…”immediately abandon to God”.
The gracious uncertainty just changed the course of my whole day.
God, give me the strength, please…
I knew what had happened…the baby had been born during the night and placed in the ditch. I knew he would be dirty and stinky and cold…and how could I hold another woman’s baby to my chest? Because Jesus asked me to.
My precious kids…moved their feet so quickly to keep up with Daddy and I across that field to the hospital. Granola bars and books in hands…I didn’t speak. I wanted them with me, but was fearful of what they may see and experience in these next few hours.
The baby was wrapped in blankets but was blue and freezing…Dave quickly unwrapped him—found that he still had 8 inches of his umbilical cord attached and was covered with dirt and sand. I took a deep breath, asked for strength for my weak flesh…my weak heart. My heart. Oh, the Father’s heart. He rescued him from a pit. Dave clamped his cord and quickly tried to brush off some of the dirt.
Into my sweatshirt…on top of my big round belly, this little boy snuggled. He felt a bit like cold meat against my skin…his temperature would not even register on the thermometer. He cried and wiggled, pushed…then realized he could stop fighting. He rested. My baby girl inside pressed and kicked and shared her warmth.
I read and sang to my kids…and to this little baby. We sang “Jesus Tender Shepherd”…I had a picture of Jesus holding this precious life all through the night—never leaving him…protecting him and rescuing him. “Angels kept him through the night…”
Caleb responded to this line…”Mommy, God gave him an angel…and now you’re his angel.” Maija prayed, “God, keep him in your glory.” I just prayed…”Thank you, Father…please let me hold life, not death today.”
For two hours, this freezing little body was on me. As he felt, I felt numb…There was overwhelming sadness…and so much hope. Had God chosen me today, just to hold this little one—to be a harbor for life to be restored? Why was this little boy thrown to the side? What desperation did this mommy have? What grace that rescued him? This song, “HE holds the orphan in his loving arms…this is who You are…” Our Father loves so deeply…
“We do not know what a day will bring forth…but we are CERTAIN of GOD.”
After 2 hours, I began to feel a warmth on my stomach…his little cheeks were turning pink…his fist balled up was no longer cold against me, his cold little toes were now wrapped warmly around my baby belly. I took the temperature again. 34.5 degrees C. It registered! He was warming. Thank you, Father. From then, every 10 minutes, I checked and his temperature was rising. I felt such a depth of joy…and team work with this little boy…He was strong and brave, and I kept telling him that. I prayed restoration over his little spirit.
By noon, his temperature was up to 37 degrees C…and he had swallowed a few drops of formula. We were ready to admit him and I was thankful. God saved. So amazing and so unexpected. I felt a strange awareness that God chose to simply use my warmth and my willingness. There seemed to be nothing extraordinary about what God asked. It was precious to hold a little life for HIM. I felt humbled…humbled to hold one of his children, humbled to sit and be dirty and stinky, humbled to watch life come back…to feel it so close.
Today, God spoke clearly to me… “Simply position yourself to be available to me. It may not be extraordinary; I just want your heart. I want your, “Yes.”
So, today where we are, let’s be certain of our Father. Let’s position ourselves before Him, ready and willing to serve Him. Today, I was given new riches IN Christ.
[1] Chambers, O. (1986). My utmost for his highest: Selections for the year. Grand Rapids, MI: Oswald Chambers Publications; Marshall Pickering.