digging…

Jesus said, 20 “And the seven for the four thousand, how many baskets full of broken pieces did you take up?”

And they said to him, “Seven.” 21 And he said to them, “Do you not yet understand?”

22 And they came to Bethsaida. And some people brought to him a blind man and begged him to touch him. 23 And he took the blind man by the hand and led him out of the village, and when he had spit on his eyes and laid his hands on him, he asked him, “Do you see anything?” (Mk 8:20–23)

Two days ago I woke up understanding and seeing afresh.  God gave a blue sky that morning, and I felt JOY.  This week is full, but I sense the Lord keeping my heart on HIS grace.  Wednesday, He reminded me throughout the whole day, moment by moment of His love for me.  I have heard HIM say, “REST.”  I asked Him to show me how.  This is the test right now.  “Julie will you trust me?”  Julie do you STILL not yet understand?”  “Don’t you SEE anything?”  Do you see the provision today…do you see ME today?  Do you SEE what I have done in YOU?”  Do you see how much I love you?”  His questions helped me see inside…I live under a lot of guilt.  I say I trust Him…want to give my life…want to KNOW CHRIST…want to LIVE IN JOY…but how can I trust if I don’t accept His grace?  How can I have the FULL life He wants to give if I carry so much guilt?

Wednesday…I understood more.  I saw more.

Evie prayed for a long time…for all our family…for obedience!! (She’s 2!)

We cut open a juicy red watermelon, the first on this year and it reminded me of a precious season of preparation in a different place a few years ago.

Caleb and Ella are showing strength and joy in these days.  Caleb is busy, happy…always smiling.  Ella is strong and excited for the adventure ahead.

I took down pictures this week….and a deep sadness hit my stomach.  Moving again.  My heart ached for a moment for my kids, who have had to move and be so resilient time and time again.  I’m not sure I feel like we ever fully invested here.  Then precious words from my mentor reminded me of His truth in this too….”This is not your home.”  This longing and yearning for a place to call home is good.  We can thank Him for this!  He has shown us that Washington is not our home, Korea was not our home and even Ethiopia is not our home…we wait for that HOME eagerly.  He spoke that His heart is for my kids.  He wants to teach them young how to live for Heaven. How do I show them this calling to surrender so much of what they know?  How do I teach them about sacrifice without pushing them to despise for Whom we make this life choice?  He assured my heart, that is HIS work, not mine.  He has a purpose and a plan for each of my five and will carry those on to completion.

Riah is always singing!!

Tulips were brought by my sweet friend.

Thursday morning, I awoke with tightness in my stomach.  How could I so quickly forget? Suddenly, it my groggy morning state, the enemy wanted to steal all that!  I fought to keep the perspective HE had blessed me with.  I am thankful for my sweet husband who made me laugh and another day so full of His love.  The kids and I went to their school group and they were SO SO happy.  I love watching them so free of care.  I want to run in this child like faith.  So I am choosing that.

We came home from school…my spirit dancing because today IT IS SPRING…62 in Washington!!  We all attacked the yard! My favorite kind of work!! We dug, and weeded, and pruned…Ella tried to get as much earth on her as she possibly could…Caleb got dirty!! And Maija took care of all the little creatures we found–little miracles of HIS hands–a frog, a salamander and a fuzzy caterpillar.  Dave worked hard–learning to love my favorite chore!  And…God talked with me.  Yardwork is generally a spiritual experience for me..maybe I should have been a farmer, but maybe in a way, I already am!  We dug.  The smell of the fresh dirt–new LIFE filled my nostrils! My hands were meant to be in this dirt…the ground for LIFE.   I pruned, thinking of how much has been cut away…The weeds and death of leaf piles scattered across our green yard…how much has had to die in me over these past years…but He promises NEW life…I cut the grass…underneath was bright green–new.  That’s how I feel.  So much-each season has to be cut away–but in HIM, there is newness and LIFE.  I love Spring.

About 3 years ago, I began to pray from the words of this song, “Break my heart for what breaks yours…”  Though I had ‘surrendered’ my life to Jesus, He wants the fullness of my heart.  I had to be broken.  Some days, the enemy still wants me to live in that broken-ness…but He has already done the work.  He has replaced my heart.  There is new soil.  There is new life.  The Spirit of God dwells, grows and moves here.  I need to open my eyes to see–those piles of ‘death’ and sin, were carried away.  He put them on the cross.  “Julie, do you SEE anything?” Yes, I see that those things in my life are gone…Newness is here.  The flowers can bloom, the green press in.  He speaks, “Abide IN me.”

The pink light of the early morning washes over me and He is singing over me in love.