So here are some thoughts after some quiet years on the blog…
God has been speaking to me the last few days about the "In-between" places. These places we find ourselves in throughout our lives. They deserve a better title maybe, but 'in-between' seems fitting today. God shows us time and time again that He walks us from strength to strength, from broken to whole, from fallen to redeemed. Then there's these big, long seasons, where it seems we're in between chapters, or in between crucial events…but as I grow and walk, I see that these are not insignificant places to be rushed or disregarded, but possibly some of the most sacred spaces. Because maybe in these in between places, we also recognise our lack..we look back and we look forward. We're more aware of where we've slipped and where we've received grace. We're able to be honest about our shortcomings and vulnerable about our needs. We receive a gift of greater humility.
Maybe it's a bit uncomfortable because we can't answer all the questions, and we may not feel the passion we once felt. We may feel a loss of self, a loss of vision, or a loss of purpose, but it's in these very tense places where we can receive more of God. It's in our deepest weakness, we can SEE His fullness. I read recently that the word 'provide' actually means "to see"…how amazing that God's provision is often in helping us to see. That He provides a way for us to have His eyes and His heart for the bigger God-sized thing happening all around us…that it isn't so much about us, but about HIM—about His glory. Can you imagine that in these intense and uncomfortable places, God is giving us this unmatched gift? Oh, to see like Christ.
We are walking an 'in-between' right now. A few years ago, we fell hard. Our life was hit with alot of unexpected pain and loss. It was not the worst suffering, but it was hard. We felt our lives sort of spiral out from under us. We crash landed back onto American soil from Uganda. We felt a total loss of what we loved and held close—a little bit like collateral damage—a crisis hit like a bomb that then took out so much of what we held so tightly to—the place and people we loved, our community, our ministry, our home, our church, our homeschool group, our pets. Within a few short weeks we were flailing and uncertain. We were deeply wounded and confused. We found ourselves in America trying to hold on to eachother and to Jesus with all our might. And our Provider showed us a new way. He caught us. He was our Home, our Hope, our Counselor, our Advocate, our Peace, our Way forward. And we didn't cling so tightly to the things of the world anymore. And one day at a time, he carried us and healed us. He gave us a home, a community, and a new perspective.
The days and weeks that followed were the hardest we've walked, but we grew deep faith and deep roots. We learned to grieve together, forgive together, heal together and move forward together. It was hard and humbling. But God kept holding us.
These past 4 years have been beautiful. Like the seasons in a harvest…we have had to look at hard (seemingly) dead soil, and till. And wait. And water. And wait. We've had to replant and pull out lots and lots of weeds…as we've begun to regrow and develop new branches and new fruit in our life, we've had HARD pruning seasons. God has been simultaneously healing and preparing us for a harvest in our lives. And there are the daily moments of 'harvest' too…where He graces us with his Spirit and evidence of his work in our home. I am in awe of his gracious and loving pursuit of our hearts.
God has given Dave and I a picture over these years of our family like soldiers who were wounded in battle. He graciously lifted us from the battle scene—saved us, helped us learn to walk and trust again, healed us and strengthened our faith. He is now asking us to get back in the fight. We pray to continue to offer our lives to the ONE who saved us and gave His life for us. We are convinced now more than ever of how worthy He is. In this 'in-between' and in the journey that lies ahead, may our lives, and really all we are and have be an offering back to our Holy God.