Growing up I always wished to have one of those life-shaking, earth-shattering moments that changed me forever and I never did. I always felt that my relationship with God was just steadily growing and I began to stop wanting God to rock my world cause I figured that I was very comfortable where I was and I definitely was still loving and pursuing God. Going to Kapsowar my prayer was that I would have an open heart and mind. This prayer truly stemmed from my regret of not living and serving to the fullest in Uganda and Ethiopia. Sure, I was a little kid but I was so ridiculously self-centered. But in the goodness of God, I was blown away as our Lord revealed the smallest aspect of His true nature in my own life-changing mountain top experience. Bill Rhodes, (a man, ‘on fire for the Lord’, is the best way to describe him), invited me into the OR the very first Sunday we were in Kenya and it was there that I broke. The surgery was a unilateral right cleft lip repair and as I saw God use Bill to heal this baby’s face I was in absolute awe. In those sacred moments I realized that for me to completely surrender to the Lord wasn’t going to be pursuing a theology degree. Bill put it best when he said, “All I want to do is to be able to alleviate a little pain even in the smallest corner of the earth in the name of Christ Jesus, to be Jesus to the least of these.” Those 30 minutes in the OR demolished my plans, thoughts, and visions of my ideal future as I truly, for the briefest of moments, saw a glimpse into what living in complete surrender was and could be. And do you know what was and still is incredible? I had bad days in the OR, where the pain made me hurt inside, where I was bored out of my mind, where I got sickened by the gore, where all I wanted to do was sit down and get out. However, what still blows me away is that is what I know I’m called to do, and because of that, even when it felt horrible I loved it because for one of the first times in my life I wasn’t doing anything for myself. I recognized that I wouldn’t be pursuing medicine for the prestige, or the money, or even the enjoyment of it. I knew in those moments that the only reason I would ever consider medicine is because I want to be the hands and feet of my Savior. And since that’s where He’s calling me, I don’t want to be anywhere else.
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